Tiffany is right; I've been far more docile and far less hostile this week than usual. I'm sure it's all the medication. It's almost like I'm a normal human being - or drunk - and that just won't do.

I'll try to be more the ass you all expect.

Today, while I was out working to put food on the table, my 3-year-old freed himself from the bonds of the matron oppressor and managed to cram several foreign bodies into my DVD carousel in my bedroom - so I got that going for me.

I’ll write more, but my esteemed employer is taking over the world, one conference call at a time, and my participation is requested.

Michael Jackson is preparing to, in his defense against child molestation charges, parade several famous friends before the courts as character witnesses. We all know what morally upright and respectable people Hollywood oozes. I didn’t see a complete list of witnesses to Mike’s impeccable character, but I did see that Kobe Bryant was on the list. Mike, you might want to have your rapist character witnesses testify just before your child molesting character witnesses and just after your indecent exposure and wardrobe malfunction character witnesses. The man is guilty; throw his stupid ass in jail. He freely admits to sleeping with other people’s kids. And look at him, a guy doesn’t do that kinda stuff to himself without first inflicting some real damage on others.

Problems with those damned Muslims again. Another bombing in Beirut as the religion of peace spreads its message of love. The former Prime Mister of Lebanon was assassinated and now we are left with few clues of who might have done it: Syria hated the guy, Syria controls the area, Syria has been known to assassinate dissenters, Syria wanted him out: who could have possibly committed this terrible act? When our founding fathers championed religious freedom, I’m almost certain they were not endorsing extreme Islam. This may very well be the first religion that needs to be outlawed.

The Academy Awards bozos are upset that Chris Rock said only gays and chicks watch the Oscars. It seems the Academy Awards bozos must all be chick or fags or they’d know this already. Guys don’t watch the Oscars. We stopped long ago when movies like Bowling for Columbine and The Piano started winning. When awards start going to films like Fight Club, Old School, and Shaun of the Dead, maybe then guys will watch. Till then, enjoy the flowing gowns and the weepy speeches, but don’t try to drag us into your estrogen-fest, there’s way too much Family Guy and MXC on to waste time on the wussy Oscars.


Some stupid kid murdered his grandparents (when he was 12), went to trial – blaming the incident on his anti-depressant Zoloft, and now he has 30 years to regret. The lengths people will go to shirk personal responsibility. Hey kid, watch out for your corn-hole, bud, watch out for your corn-hole.

I spent the last hour sitting in my back yard, in my porch swing, watching my kids sword fight, watching my dog eat the styrofoam my 3-year-old spilled all over the porch, all while my wife and I ate chocolate-covered strawberries: Life's simple pleasures.

Is styrofoam bad for a dog's digestive tract?

You know you are old and sicker than a freak'in dog when you get excited about a Z-Pak. Well, my faithful few; I am now professionally medicated and should be back around with greater frequency.

My wife has a sinus infection, my 3-year-old has 2 ear infections, my older son got in trouble at school on Friday, and I've slept more in the past 3 days than in the past month. Rather than go to my in-laws and celebrate my brother-in-law's 25th birthday this weekend, I lay in bed and tried to make my lovely wife feel sorry for me. By the way, Southern Comfort mixes nicely with Ibuprofen and Robitussen – almost makes pneumonia worthwhile

Enough about me. Those cooky Iranians are at it again. They are now threatening "fires of hell" on American troops if an invasion should occur. This would, I presume, look much like Saddam's "massacre" from our 2 altercations with Iraq. Note to Iranians: you morons are still in the dark ages. You are still trying to unravel the secrets of indoor plumbing and you are gonna unleash hell? What, like big rocks?
These little, "Don't mess with us or we will squash you like a bug" tirades are so cute. It's kinda like when my 3-year-old thinks he's gonna kick my ass and I have to (for his own good) pick him up by one hand and hurl him through a plate-glass window.

Let them hate, so long as they fear.

And Dean is in! That is great news for those of us who are right. At the very least, Dean hates the Clintons - so he does have that going for him.


That's all for now.

And pope, if you continue to wipe away the opinions of others in your rating scale spamming, I'll be forced to take steps - and you won't like my steps.

So it's Ash Wednesday, and I pick my kid up from school - it's a private school with some religiosity.

I walk into the classroom and all these little bastards are sitting around with an ash cross on their foreheads - and there sits my little train wreck, no ash cross.

On the way out to the car, I ask him, "What's up with the ash thing?" (I knew what it was and was giving him the opportunity to know something and share it with his obviously stupid dad - I got so much love to give.) He responds, "It is supposed to remind us of our sins, so I washed mine off."

As a parent, what do I do?


Also, there is now a rating system beside the comments at the end of each post. I know many of you smacktards read my endless inanities but only a precious few comment. For those too stupid to form a coherent comment or too timid to throw your $0.02 into the obviously impoverished pot, feel free to rate the post. Click on the star indicator as you see fit, 1 star means it sucks, 4 means it was great. It's your way of providing some small measure of input. Enjoy your new freedom of self-expression.